Confession # 4: Sometimes I hate the word "Mommy."

I am an only child. The sibling experience was somewhat lost on me, because of this. I did have an imaginary sister, but I was able to successfully settle about 95% of our arguments without involving my mother. Not the case with my two children! Who knew that adding an extra child would increase the noise in our house by about 1000 percent? Who knew that they would fight, pretty much from day one? Who knew they would join forces with one common mission... to drive their mother INSANE? People who had siblings... that’s who!

Of course, I did not know any of these things. I am experiencing sibling rivalry for the first time... as the parent. Some days, I honestly think my head is going to explode! Let me explain my kids. I have a five year old girl, who is the Informer. As her father likes to say, she is incapable of internalizing a thought. She says EVERYTHING; from the most mundane, “Mommy... um mommy, mommy... I went upstairs and got my crayons and now I’m going to draw a picture,” to the most inappropriate, “Mommy, mommy.... um mommy, today at school I had to sit in the corner because I wouldn’t stop saying that I had to fart, but I did have to fart, but then I didn’t have to fart, but then I did fart when I was sitting in the corner and it was loud.” Mostly she likes to keep us informed of all the injustices in her world, “MOMMY! WHY DOES MY BROTHER HAVE MORE SYRUP ON HIS PANCAKES?” “MOMMY! YOU ONLY GAVE ME A KISS ON THE CHEEK BUT YOU JUST KISSED HIM ON HIS CHEEK AND HIS HEAD!” “MOMMY! WHY DO YOU GET A HEADACHE WHEN I KEEP SAYING MOMMY BUT WHEN HE SAYS MOMMY YOU DON’T?” Her younger brother is the Observer. He closely watches everything his sister does and then he does it too... only bigger. If she jumps off the bottom step, he jumps off the second to bottom step. If she is wearing a princess dress, he is wearing a princess dress, earrings and high heals (yes my three year old son is a cross dresser... and I support her). When she yells “MOMMY,” he screams “MOMMY!”

I have recently noticed that much of their screaming, fighting and all around insane driving happens when I’m in the middle of something that doesn’t involve them. It is always the worst when I am on the phone. Just a few days ago, I received a call from my not-yet-a-parent best friend. When I answered the phone, I heard a cautious “Hi” followed by a short pause and “Where are they?” I said, “Where are who,” to which she responded, “Your children... they never let you talk.” “Oh,” I laughed, “They are downstairs, having a snack and watching ‘Hannah Montana,’ I can talk.” “They will find you, they have a sixth sense.” “No, no,” I said, “I’m hiding in the guest room closet, even if they do come upstairs, they will never think to look for me here.” She reluctantly continued with whatever she was calling about. I honestly don’t remember because less than two minutes into our conversation, the closet door opened and there they were and this is what happened next:

Daughter (hands on hips): MOMMY, um MOMMY... I was playing tea party with my dolls and I was PRETENDING to pour water in their cups and then HE brought his spiderman to the party and I said he wasn’t invited and then he REALLY dumped water all over my dolls!”

Son (also with hands on hips, nodding in agreement): I did that.

Daughter: MOMMY, my dolls are all wet! (kicks her brother)

Son (starting to cry): MOMMY! (kicks and pushes his sister, who also starts crying)

Clearly annoyed best friend: Oh my god, why do you keep telling me to have one of these things?

Me (out loud): Because being a mother is the most fulfilling experience in the world. It’s wonderful!

Me (in my head): Because misery loves company; you go on a cruise every other weekend and can still fit into your wedding dress, bitch! I hope you wait so long that you have to use fertility drugs and then you get five all at once. Then you will know!

That’s pretty much an example of when I actually did go insane for a moment. I secretly wished infertility and a litter of kids on my best friend! That’s just not like me. In reality, I would only want her to have twins... three tops!

In many ways it’s amusing. The word that I wanted more than anything to hear, the word that made me cry tears of joy when it was finally said, the word that defines me... now causes me to hide in a closet! I suppose it’s not really the word itself that I hate. I would certainly feel the same thing about the word “Chocolate” if it was screamed at me over and over while I was trying to strain a boiling pot of spaghetti! FOR CRYING OUT LOUD... WHAT???? Oh... I’m sorry. I’m not saying that to you, the reader. It appears they have a sixth sense for when I’m blogging as well! Everyone wants some juice. I’ll be quick with my point. I don’t really hate the word. Being a mommy does bring me a lot of joy, just not when I’m on the phone, trying to cook dinner, or writing my blog!!!!!

Comments

[Blarney]

IMHO mine are at their worst the moment they walk in the door from school. Over time I have found that they need to decompress from school, have quiet time in their rooms changing and relaxing, before talking to each other or rather sniping at each other. It doesn't solve all of it but any little bit helps!

[Millennium Mom]

I'm hoping they eventually grow out of the jealousy thing. The last thing I need is a 25 year old complaining to me that her brother has more ice cream!

[Jennifer Tankersley]

So true! I have 3 children: My oldest is 18 months older than her brother, and he is 2 years older than his younger sister. Somedays I feel like all I manage to say is, "Stop fighting!" or "Be sweet to each other!" It can be mentally and physically exhausting. All we can do is hang in there, and reinforce the lifelong relationships of siblings.